soundtrack to my life

bored people

Monday, January 4
you made the tickets bad

There was one thing that Long, Danny, and I really wanted to do while we are in New York. That was go to a game. It could be either a Jets game or Knick's game we didn't care. We weighed the two.

It was snowing outside so the weather would be miserable. The Bengals were in town and they already locked up their playoff spot. That means Carson Palmer and Chad Ochocinco would be rested early in the game. Also, tickets would probably run us about 50 bucks for crappy upper deck seats. A lot of negatives there.

On the other hand, MSG(Madison Square Garden, MANN SOOO GOOODHH) was only one stop down the 1 express. Nose bleed tickets would be cheap and we could possibly move down(I projected a Knicks blowout, the pacers suck). The game would be indoors and its Madison Square Garden, probably the most famous arena in all of professional basketball.

The Knicks were a little bit heavier so we decided to take our chances and go down to Mann Soo Gooddhh to scalp some tickets. We hopped on the subway and got off 34th st/Penn station/Madison Square Garden.

A flight of stairs away from the entrance we were approached by a portly ticket salesman.

"You need tickets? I got tickets. $50 bucks, great seats. You guys can all sit together too." To add authenticity, let me remind you that, this man spoke with impressive quickness(think auctioneer). "Section 108 man, they are great seats."

I responded with, "sorry man I don't have that much money, I got 40 on me."

We asked him if we could see the tickets and he obliged. I'm not sure if we were blinded by the thought of great seats at a discount or what, but they sure seemed real then.

Eventually, we got him to lower the price and we took the tickets and gave him 110 bucks for three. He wouldn't go any lower, because "hey, [he's] gotta eat too." We were a little hesitant, but it was make or break time and we really wanted to go to the game.

As we walked to the gate we began to feel a little less unsure of ourselves. Did we make a mistake? This out of this world, too good to be true deal, started to seem just that, too good to be true.

To make matters worse we had fifteen minutes to spare before MSG officials started allowing people into the arena. Our nervousness grew with every tick of the clock. Every minute brought another nuance of the ticket that just didn't seem right. "Why is the ticket matte and not glossy? Why do the perforations look different? Why would a seller, other than to add legitimacy to the ticket, bend the tickets at the perforations instead of keeping the tickets super straight, clean, and new looking?

While waiting for our judgement day, I joked and said, "man, the ticket agent is going to just feel these tickets and already know, without scanning them, that they are fake." Unfortunately, I told the future. That is exactly what the ticket agent did. He felt the tickets, called over his boss, and they told us they were fake and to never buy tickets outside the arena again.

We tucked our tails between our legs and walked against the huge crowd to get out of there. Danny noticed that there were others who suffered from the same poor judgement. Long thought he could ease our embarrassment by randomly shouting, "oh, our gate over there!" Danny followed, but I simply locked my head forward and found the quickest way out. Everyone knew we had been scammed, I could tell on their faces. Most of the faces read empathy.

As we walked back through security and towards the low-life's lair, I decided we would get our money back. I didn't know or if he was still going to be there, but I was going to get my money back.

What do ya know. He was no where to be found. Feeling a little be dejected and more foolish. We decided to get out of there. We took the next escalator towards the subway and there he stood.

He was trying to hustle other people. We made eye contact and the vulture didn't even try to take flight. He knew what we were going to say.

"Hey man, you sold us some bad tickets."

"Are you sure? Maybe it was my twin brother. Let me go get him. You stay here and I'll go get him."

At this point I was getting pretty frustrated. He was still trying to hustle us. For this scene, imagine a long airport terminal like building. It's about a football field long lined with airport terminal shops, magazines stands, restaurants, etc. People are scattered throughout the terminal. The ticket man begins to walk. This part is the chase.

"Stay here I'll go get your money, aight."

"Nah man, I'm gonna go with you to get my money."

"Quit fucking following me man."

"I'm going to follow you until we get our damn money back."

At this point, I was tired of his run around. Danny was following the both of us. Long was a little bit further behind. Oh yeah, as we walked he was still asking people if they needed tickets. The walk and the conversation continued.

"You sold us bad tickets man. I want my money back."

"The tickets were fine when I sold them to you. You made them bad."

In my head I was thinking what the fuck. He's seriously gonna try to get out of this. As we walked I began to notice the other scalpers. Our perp had been shaking his head and nodding at a lot of others who were selling the same shit. I guess it was to not spook them maybe. "It looks like I'm in trouble and runnin from something, but you're fine keep selling."

Finally we reach an escalator and long takes the stairs just in case he decides to run. We reach the top and we make our way through the subway exit and the excitement begins.

"Give us our fucking money back."

"Look man I can start yelling shit to the police officers and telling people you're selling fake tickets."

"Do it I don't give a fuck."

His pace hastens.

"I'm quick man and I can run all day."

"Quit fucking following me."

Finally, I decided I had enough. He poured out his coffee and I knew he was going to run so I began to shout.

"Hey officer, this man sold us fake tickets!" There wasn't a cop within site either.
"This guy is selling fake fucking tickets!"

We rounded a corner and were now in a secluded area. There were still people near by and could easily hear us scream, but this area was between buildings and unnoticeable. There the four of us stood. Long, Danny, and I surrounded the guy.

"Okay, shut the fuck up. No refunds."

"You sold us bad tickets, give us our fucking money back."

Finally, Danny spoke up and yelled, "give us our money now!" I had never heard that kind of anger in Danny's voice.

"Okay, I'll give you you're money back. How much?"

I responded with, " 110 dollars."

"Shut the fuck up, I should pop your ass. You fucking talk to much."

"You sold us fake tickets and you're telling me to shut the fuck up? You shut the fuck up. Fucking do something."

He started to count the money and handed it back. I quickly counted and noticed he gave us an extra $20, a total of $130.

We didn't make a big deal with goodbyes so started to walk away. This fuckin' asshole still wanted to talk shit.

"Get the fuck out of here before I beat the shit out of yall." or something along those lines.

I responded with, "You're fuckin walkin away. You come back here and I'll fucking beat your lying ass. You're so fuckin' tough come back over."

HE continued to walk away and the excitement overcame us. Holy shit, we just bullied a fucking NYC thug. We were feeling like bad asses at this point. Then It began to hit me. He wasn't some thug. He was a fucking loser. Odds are he didn't make those tickets. He's just a hoe selling tickets for his pimp. He got taken for 20 bucks by some asian kids from Oklahoma. We are going to tell our friends about our lesson and adventure, but this guy would be laughed at by all his fellow low-life loser friends.

We took our extra 20 bucks and treated ourselves to the best philly cheeseteaks in Manhattan.

3 Comments:

At 12:38 PM, Tung said…

LOL! Dumb-asses... You three are the true definition of tourist's. Only tourist buy tickets from a random seller in New York. Welp, atleast y'all got your money back, but you should've roughed him up a little before you let him go. Maybe we can make a short clip from this story...
At 1:11 PM, Louise said…

Cool!
At 4:04 PM, Daniel said…

A story to tell. Thats awesome. I would have beaten his ass and taken all his money! Go to town on New York!